Oh! the thought of
them at this moment quite unmans me. I must not reflect. Well, I
endeavored with all the faculties of my mind and body to keep awake.
I kept steadily pacing to and fro, though I could scarcely drag one
limb after the other, or even stand upright; sleep would arrest me
while in motion, and I would drop my musket and wake up in a panic,
with the impression of some awful, overhanging ruin appalling my
soul. Herbert, will you think me a miserably weak wretch if I tell
you that that night was a night of mental and physical horrors?
Brain and nerves seemed in a state of disorganization; thought and
emotion were chaos; the relations of soul and body broken up. I had
but one strong, clear idea, namely, that I must keep awake at all
costs, or bring shameful death upon myself and disgrace upon my
family. And even In the very midst of thinking this I would fall
asleep."
"No power within yourself could have prevented it; indeed, you had
to drop into sleep or death!"
"I pinched myself, I cut my flesh, I burned my skin, but all in
vain. Nothing could withstand the overwhelming power of sleep that
finally conquered me, about five o'clock this morning. Then, in the
midst of a delightful dream of mother and Clara and home, I was
roused up by a rude shake, and awoke to find my musket fallen from
my hands, and my Captain and Colonel standing over me.
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