My temporal all seems hanging upon it, and the
prospect is most alluring. A few thousand dollars would make
all so easy, so safe. As it is, I cannot tell what is coming
to us, for the estate will not be settled when I go. I pray to
God ceaselessly that I may decide wisely.'
* * * * *
'_April 17th, 1836_.--If I am not to go with you I shall
be obliged to tear my heart, by a violent effort, from its
present objects and natural desires. But I shall feel the
necessity, and will do it if the life-blood follows through
the rent. Probably, I shall not even think it best to
correspond with you at all while you are in Europe. Meanwhile,
let us be friends indeed. The generous and unfailing love
which you have shown me during these three years, when I
could be so little to you, your indulgence for my errors and
fluctuations, your steady faith in my intentions, have
done more to shield and sustain me than any other earthly
influence. If I must now learn to dispense with feeling them
constantly near me, at least their remembrance can never,
never be less dear. I suppose I ought, instead of grieving
that we are soon to be separated, now to feel grateful for
an intimacy of extraordinary permanence, and certainly of
unstained truth and perfect freedom on both sides.
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