Yet now that
the twenty-five weeks of incessant toil are over, I rejoice in
it all, and would not have done an iota less. I have fulfilled
all my engagements faithfully; have acquired more power of
attention, self-command, and fortitude; have acted in life as
I thought I would in my lonely meditations; and have gained
some knowledge of means. Above all,--blessed be the Father
of our spirits!--my aims are the same as they were in the
happiest flight of youthful fancy. I have learned too, at
last, to rejoice in all past pain, and to see that my spirit
has been judiciously tempered for its work. In future I may
sorrow, but can I ever despair?
'The beginning of the winter was forlorn. I was always ill;
and often thought I might not live, though the work was but
just begun. The usual disappointments, too, were about me.
Those from whom aid was expected failed, and others who aided
did not understand my aims. Enthusiasm for the things loved
best fled when I seemed to be buying and selling them. I
could not get the proper point of view, and could not keep a
healthful state of mind. Mysteriously a gulf seemed to have
opened between me and most intimate friends, and for the
first time for many years I was entirely, absolutely, alone.
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