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Lincoln, Joseph Crosby, 1870-1944

"Thankful's Inheritance"


"Hello, Captain," he observed, as his caller entered. "I trust you've
taken the necessary precautions, fumigated and all that sort of thing."
"Fumigated?"
"Why, yes. Unless I'm greatly mistaken, this office is destined
to become the den of the moral leper. As soon as my respected
fellow-townsmen, the majority of them, learn that I am to battle with
Heman the Great, and in such a cause, I shall be shunned and, so to
speak, spat upon. You're taking big chances by coming here."
The captain grunted. "Umph!" he sniffed. "They don't know it yet;
neither do I."
"Ah yes, but they will shortly. Daniels will take care that they do."
"John, for thunder sakes--"
"Better escape contagion while you can, Captain. Unclean! Unclean!"
"Aw, belay, John! I don't feel like jokin'. What you've got to tell me
now is that it ain't so. You ain't goin' to--to try to--to--"
His friend interrupted. "Captain Bangs," he said, sharply, "this is a
practical world we live in. You and I have had that preached to us; at
least I have and you were present during the sermon. I don't know how
you feel, of course; but henceforth I propose to be the most practical
man you ever saw."
"Consarn your practicality! Are you goin' to help that--that gold-dust
twin--that cussed relation of yours, grab Thankful Barnes' house and
land from her?"
"Look here, Bangs; when the--gold-dust twin isn't bad--when the twin
offered me the position of his attorney and the blanket retainer along
with it, who was it that hesitated concerning my acceptance? You? I
don't remember that you did.


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