It was precisely, in short, by just clutching the helm
that I avoided total wreck; and I dare say that, to bear up
at all, I became, that morning, very grand and very dry.
I welcomed the consciousness that I was charged with much to do,
and I caused it to be known as well that, left thus to myself,
I was quite remarkably firm. I wandered with that manner,
for the next hour or two, all over the place and looked,
I have no doubt, as if I were ready for any onset.
So, for the benefit of whom it might concern, I paraded
with a sick heart.
The person it appeared least to concern proved to be,
till dinner, little Miles himself. My perambulations had
given me, meanwhile, no glimpse of him, but they had tended
to make more public the change taking place in our relation
as a consequence of his having at the piano, the day before,
kept me, in Flora's interest, so beguiled and befooled.
The stamp of publicity had of course been fully given by her
confinement and departure, and the change itself was now ushered
in by our nonobservance of the regular custom of the schoolroom.
He had already disappeared when, on my way down, I pushed
open his door, and I learned below that he had breakfasted--
in the presence of a couple of the maids--with Mrs. Grose
and his sister. He had then gone out, as he said, for a stroll;
than which nothing, I reflected, could better have expressed
his frank view of the abrupt transformation of my office.
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