I did not understand
how Lahiri Mahasaya's words could fail to come true, yet the sight
of Rama's rapidly ebbing life kept suggesting to my mind: 'All is
over now.' Tossing thus on the seas of faith and apprehensive doubt,
I ministered to my friend as best I could. He roused himself to
cry out:
"'Yukteswar, run to Master and tell him I am gone. Ask him to
bless my body before its last rites.' With these words Rama sighed
heavily and gave up the ghost. {FN32-2}
"I wept for an hour by his beloved form. Always a lover of quiet,
now he had attained the utter stillness of death. Another disciple
came in; I asked him to remain in the house until I returned.
Half-dazed, I trudged back to my guru.
"'How is Rama now?' Lahiri Mahasaya's face was wreathed in smiles.
"'Sir, you will soon see how he is,' I blurted out emotionally.
'In a few hours you will see his body, before it is carried to the
crematory grounds.' I broke down and moaned openly.
"'Yukteswar, control yourself. Sit calmly and meditate.' My guru
retired into SAMADHI. The afternoon and night passed in unbroken
silence; I struggled unsuccessfully to regain an inner composure.
"At dawn Lahiri Mahasaya glanced at me consolingly. 'I see you are
still disturbed. Why didn't you explain yesterday that you expected
me to give Rama tangible aid in the form of some medicine?' The
master pointed to a cup-shaped lamp containing crude castor oil.
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