"Arrangements were recently made for Master to visit Kidderpore,
{FN42-4} but he failed to go." Amulaya Babu, a brother disciple, made
this remark to me one afternoon; I felt a cold wave of premonition.
To my pressing inquiries, Sri Yukteswar only replied, "I shall
go to Kidderpore no more." For a moment, Master trembled like a
frightened child.
("Attachment to bodily residence, springing up of its own nature
[i.e., arising from immemorial roots, past experiences of death],"
Patanjali wrote, {FN42-5} "is present in slight degree even in great
saints." In some of his discourses on death, my guru had been wont
to add: "Just as a long-caged bird hesitates to leave its accustomed
home when the door is opened.")
"Guruji," I entreated him with a sob, "don't say that! Never utter
those words to me!"
Sri Yukteswar's face relaxed in a peaceful smile. Though nearing
his eighty-first birthday, he looked well and strong.
Basking day by day in the sunshine of my guru's love, unspoken but
keenly felt, I banished from my conscious mind the various hints
he had given of his approaching passing.
"Sir, the KUMBHA MELA is convening this month at Allahabad." I
showed Master the MELA dates in a Bengali almanac. {FN42-6}
"Do you really want to go?"
Not sensing Sri Yukteswar's reluctance to have me leave him, I went
on, "Once you beheld the blessed sight of Babaji at an Allahabad
KUMBHA. Perhaps this time I shall be fortunate enough to see him.
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